As the 2024 presidential election in America inches nearer, tensions between family members on opposite political sides continue to rise. Politics is where we discuss the set of rules we all agree will define how we get along with each other in society and what laws we should live by. It’s hard to avoid the news which comes at us fast and furious, 24/7 from every perspective imaginable. News outlets vie for our attention with intentionally triggering, disturbing images and inflammatory content carefully engineered to instill indignation and perpetuate divisions. Cue the fireworks. How can we stop conversations from unproductively escalating to the point of hatred of one another as perspectives diverge, tearing us apart and damaging crucial networks of family, friends, and fellow citizens?

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A few weeks ago, my family got together for my Grandma’s eighty-first birthday dinner in the suburbs. At one point, when everyone else had left, my uncle and I briefly spoke with the restaurateur. He asked us who we hoped would win the U.S. election, and while we argued completely different perspectives, the man was happy to see we were still able to be civil with one another. There are so many fractured families now where members don’t even speak at all, he said, shaking his head. 

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I definitely wouldn’t say we’re a model family whose political beliefs never get between us. Still, I can say it’s something we all seem to be increasingly conscious of and working towards fixing after many years of ugly, ineffective attempts to do otherwise. For years we’ve tried and failed to convince one another of who’s ‘right’ and who’s ‘wrong’. When I visit my grandparents, our disagreements linger like a reservoir of contaminated water gurgling beneath our conversations. Periodically, the dam breaks, drowning us all and making us sorry we didn’t exercise more restraint. 

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This is why lately I've been trying to take a different approach to conversation, and it's rubbing off on the rest of my family too. I’m trying harder to understand where people who disagree with me are coming from and be more genuine, nodding my head at their points, not necessarily agreeing, but seeking common ground more than disagreement. It’s a real challenge to listen as much as you talk and avoid what are all too often endless, pointless arguments. But when I think about what’s more important—politics or my little family—it’s not even a competition. The answer is clear. 

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With the election almost upon us, I think now is an excellent time to remember the great old cliche: agree to disagree. According to Psychology Today, when someone makes up their mind about an issue, it’s nearly impossible to make them budge. Instead of trying to change each other’s minds or avoid conversation altogether, it’s far better to seek agreement and deemphasize our divisions. 

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Aside from the limited number of actual extremists among us, most of us are much more alike in our basic value systems than we think we are and essentially want the same things in life. Discussions with treasured family and friends etc., are a very important part of our lives and a necessary component of our self-growth and development. Figuring out how to return to a more civil form of productive dialogue with one another is what we should be fighting for, not yelling over each other to prove who is right. In a healthy, well-functioning family of whatever size, including our democracy, party lines should never trump family ties.